By J. Scott Burgeson
This month, our fearless gourmand sinks his teeth
into Koreanized Western fast food...
Lotte's Kimchi Burger
W2,500 (W3,500 set)
Long before former President Kim Young-sam proclaimed a new era of globalization
for South Korea, Lotte was already putting said theory into practice:
after all, it's a South Korean company founded in Japan, named after
an 18th century German heroine (Lotte in Goethe's classic novel The
Sorrows of Young Werther) and specializing in mainly American-style
fast food. It comes as no surprise, then, that it has the most truly
hybrid, postmodern burger on the local market: the Lotte Kimchi Burger.
With two moulded kimchi-bokkumbap "buns" in lieu of real bread,
a meatless, breaded deep-fried kimchi patty, American cheddar-cheese
slice and original Lotte "kimchi sauce" (imagine a combination
of ketchup, honey and koch'ujang), this is like a mad science experiment,
or maybe something Lotte founder Shin Gyuk-ho's 5-year-old grandson
created while playing with leftovers at the dinner table. But it actually
tastes pretty good, although the bokkumbap "buns" start crumbling
and falling apart after about two bites (I guess globalization if often
like that -- hard to hold together). Perfect for vegetarians, ultranationalists
and paranoids afraid of catching Mad Cow Disease.
Burger King's Bulgogi Whopper
W3,400 (W4,600 set)
This company may call itself "Burger King," but its Bulgogi
Whopper is strictly for peasants. The meat inside the Whopper I tried
was so dry and bland, it was hard to tell the difference between it
and the stale buns; about the last thing it reminded me of was the freshness
of genuine bulgogi. As for the bulgogi sauce, I could hardly taste it
since it was overwhelmed by gobs of mayonnaise; even more disgusting
were the green, unripe tomatoes and brown, soggy lettuce. I'll have
to deduct an additional star for the oversized, environmentally unfriendly
gold foil and wax paper wrapping, which seems virtually impossible to
recycle. About the only good thing I can say here is that Burger King
is now owned by a British company, so if you're a Korean nationalist,
you can eat here safely and guilt-free. At any rate, if this is what
you call "Burger King," then Thank God for Democracy!
KFC's Chicken Bulgogi Burger
W2,100 (W3,600 set)
The coolest thing about Kentucky Fried Chicken is the fact that the
life-size Colonel Sanders statue in front of every restaurant looks
exactly like a Korean haraboji. Inside, however, the only hybrid thing
on offer here is the Chicken Bulgogi Burger; what an outrage it must
be to traditionalists to mix bulgogi sauce with chicken of all things,
instead of beef. In this particular case, I'd have to side with the
traditionalists, since the Chicken Bulgogi Burger is quite disappointing:
the sauce is far too sweet and gooey, and the reconstituted chicken
patty tastes like spongy rubber. Anyway, this whole overworked Bulgogi
Burger concept at local fast-food restaurants is really tired, and shows
a lack of imagination; I'm sure that KFC, for example, could come up
with a great Tak Kalbi Burger. Indeed, I'm waiting for it -- and I'm
sure all those Korean harabojis are, too!
McDonald's Kimchi Burger
W2,500 (W3,700 set)
A recent local television commercial for McDonald's, in which a procession
of Koreans in McDonald's uniforms state to the camera, sincerely if
somewhat obviously, "We're Korean," betrays the image crisis
that the American fast-food giant is suffering during the current world-wide
tide of anti-Americanism -- as strong here in Korea as almost anywhere
else right now. Perhaps this explains the introduction in January of
two high-profile "Korean Flavor" burger products: the Kimchi
Burger and the Shin Bulgogi Burger (actually, both of these appeared
in local stores for a month early last year, but apparently weren't
very popular). The Shin Bulgogi Burger (not to be confused with McDonald's
standard Bulgogi Burger, a perennial classic) is disgusting -- think
bulgogi sauce mixed with extra spicy Shin Ramen flavoring (talk about
heartburn). The Kimchi Burger, however, is surprisingly tasty; the kimchi
and American cheddar-cheese slice suit each other remarkably well, and
the two extra juicy beef patties seem to actually be made of beef, as
opposed to most other so-called "beef burgers" served at McDonald's.
I'm giving an extra star just because McDonald's also started using
washable plastic cups in its stores in January, a vast improvement on
wasteful paper cups. Gee, a culturally sensitive, environmentally conscious
Ronald McDonald? Welcome to the new millennium!
Popeye's Bulgogi Burger
W2,100 (W3,600 set)
If it seems like there are just too many damn Bulgogi Burgers in the
local fast-food market, Popeye's version offers a distinctive, indeed
unintentionally innovative twist: although the burger patty is supposedly
made of beef, it in fact tastes much closer to pork for some wacky,
unknown reason (just to check, I tried the Bulgogi Burger at two different
Popeye's outlets in Seoul, and they tasted exactly the same). While
KFC's Chicken Bulgogi Burger may be more radical as a concept, it's
also a failure tastewise, as we have seen; Popeye's Twaegi-Flavored
Bulgogi Burger, on the other hand, while perhaps less ambitious, is
far more successful in terms of taste, and thus is more truly innovative
in my opinion. Add to this extra fresh lettuce, a flavorful, not-too-sweet
bulgogi sauce and even tiny green onion bits in the patty, and you've
got one tasty burger in your hands. Sorry, Colonel, but it looks like
Popeye the Sailor Man has kicked your butt this time!
Dunkin' Donuts' Red Bean Bismark
W1,000
Q: What do you get when you cross American fast-food ingenuity, simple,
hearty Korean flavor and a certain strong-willed, 19th-century Prussian
statesman known to history as the "Iron Chancellor"? A: Dunkin'
Donuts' "Red Bean Bismark." If this is not a superior, positive
example of globalization -- reaching across both the Pacific and Atlantic
Oceans and then back again with every bite -- then I don't know what
is. Obviously, the inspiration here is that classic Korean street snack,
pung'o-ppang; but if pung'o-ppang is small, round and cute, the Red
Bean Bismark is hard, square and long, a kind of "Iron Donut,"
if you will. Indeed, compared to both pung'o-ppang and the standard,
much softer Bismark found in the West, the donut part of the Red Bean
Bismark is almost too hard, if not semi-stale -- as donuts tend to be
here in Korea. Fortunately, this very hardness renders the Red Bean
Bismark all the more suited to dunking in your coffee, resulting in
an almost perfect chewy, but not too soggy, texture and taste. Hey,
they don't call it "Dunkin' Donuts" for nothin'!
--J. Scott Burgeson is the Dear Leader of Bug Magazine (http://bug.andyou.com)