The Beat November 2002

By Sang-hun Choe and Christopher Torchia
Published by Eun Haeng Na Mu, English/Korean, 2002

How many times have you seen foreigners give up trying to understand Korean-ness after butting their head up against the 5,000-year-thick language barrier for a year or two? Well, quit bludgeoning yourself and crack open a copy of this book. How Koreans Talk: A Collection Of Expressions, written by Pulitzer Prize winner Sang-Hun Choe and AP Seoul bureau chief Christopher Torchia, is a collection of Korean colloquial and idiomatic expressions ranging from wise to sweet to hilarious to raunchy to downright offensive. It‘s a book that any foreigner living in South Korea should read as if they were devouring the sweetest rice cake.

The best thing about this 300 page paperback is that in the process of describing language, the authors seamlessly unravel the 5000 year old story of this strange peninsula, ranging from the meat-eating outlaw monk Won Hyo and creation myth of Tang-Kun to the contemporary political climate of Park Chung-hee and Bush's infamous 'Axis of Evil' comment, all the while teaching the reader plenty of dirty jokes, swear words, sexual innuendoes and shocking insults to hurl at ajossis who harass them on the subway.

A taste of the goods: "He can't distinguish between excrement and bean paste" means he can't tell good from bad. "Touching the balls of a dead boy,” means a useless gesture. “I wish to kill him and then dig up and dismember his body,” means, “I reeeeaaaally don‘t like that guy.”

Written in an easy-reading manner of English, but including Romanized and Hangeul spellings of the actual expressions, How Koreans Talk is at once illuminating on the past, entertaining in the moment, and mischievously useful for the future. Aside from the history/cultural lessons it offers, and the immediate pleasure of actually reading it, imagine how funny it would be if a foreign English teacher griped in Korean to a Hagwon boss that "The bear does the stunts, but its Chinese owner collects the money." (One person sows and another reaps). Or if a foreign husband told his pregnant Korean wife, "I wish you would give birth to a boy that looks like a fat toad", meaning a plump healthy baby boy. Or quipping, "If you love your wife, you bow to a dead tree in your in-laws' home", meaning that you love everything about her so much that you're willing to put up with your in-laws‘ bullshit. Or to get looks of fear and respect from your students when you understand them when they say "Wangtta" (outcast), "Wangjaesu" (king of jerks), "Eolganyi" (dimwit), or "Jukinda" (it kills me), which actually describes something good, nonsensical or exceptional.

The contents start with Eat, Eat: Rice Is Everything, and go through Anatomical Terms, Grit and Hardship, Confucius Said, Characters, Tough Talk, Money Talks, From Elsewhere, Slang and Seoul, Animal Kingdom, Family Matters, Luck, Dreams, Superstition, Borrowed From Buddhism, Proverbs as Propaganda, Behavioral Patterns, and ends aptly with Wisdom.

This is the magic carpet ride into the Korean character and sense of humor that you've been searching for. How Koreans Talk is available at all of the major English bookstores in Seomyeon for 8,000 won. After reading it, you may exclaim "A pumpkin rolled into my home with its vine and all!" or "I got lucky!"