The Beat October 2002

The Asian Games have come to town! People from around the world will see athletes running, jumping, swimming, cycling and more. Korean athletes will once again show off their skills in their native sport of Taekwondo, but the ordinary citizens of Korea have also developed a few sports of their own. You won't be seeing these in any arenas this month, but a walk around Busan on any day of the year will provide the avid sports fan with a thrilling and up-close look at…

Asian Games Events We'd Like to See
Writer: John Bocskay Illustrator: Kurt Sproat

Ddong Ch'im
Where: Any English Hagwon
Ddong Ch'im (dung needle) is a martial art in which competitors use surprise to defeat their opponent. It is extremely effective in spite of (or perhaps because of) its strict reliance on only one pressure point. Points in Ddong Ch'im are awarded for the number of centimeters the victim jumps off the ground. Bonus points are awarded for a bullseye.

Scootocross
Where: Any road in Busan
Competitors must cross Busan on 100cc motorbikes while carrying a large steel box full of Chinese food in one hand. If the rider stops moving for any reason, he is disqualified. There is no penalty for striking pedestrians.

Queue-do
Where: Shopping malls, fast-food restaurants, ticket counters
Queue-do is a form of traditional Korean melee shopping, refined in twentieth century department stores. In its modern, full-contact form (more like a blend of Aussie Rules and Muay Thai), six middle-aged women (ajumma) carrying shopping bags bum-rush a checkout counter. The first one to reach the front of the queue and pay for her purchases is the winner. A two-minute penalty is applied if she pays the entire bill in coins.

Drunken Buddy Haul
(100m, 500m, 4x100m relay)
Where: Any university or nightlife district
In this slow-moving yet dramatic race, competitors must haul their intoxicated friend to a waiting taxi before he pukes. The “haulers” are disqualified if their wasted pal in any way assists in supporting his own weight. There is no penalty for dropping him.

Turnstile Ducking
Where: Subway stations
Like karate and taekwondo, this sport originated out of pragmatism, and has only later been elevated to a true art. It's fairly simple -- competitors duck under as many subway turnstiles as they can before being nabbed by the Transit Authority. It is similar to Turnstile Hurdles (New York), in which competitors go over the bar.

Cookie Toss
Where: Anywhere Soju is sold
Similar to Hurling (Canada) and Upchuck (USA), players in this sport are judged solely on distance. Accuracy and style are appreciated, though not necessary.

Running Man-athon
Where: Any street, Busan
Runners must complete a 26-mile circuit through downtown Busan without being killed by a bus, taxi, or Bongo. All finishers will receive a gold medal, presented by Arnold Schwarzenegger. There is no returning champion.