Lifting the ban on Wong Kar Wai’s Happy Together opened the closet door a little in Korea. This Hong Kong movie about two men in love broke down the idea that only Westerners were gay, not Asians. In my personal experience, being a gay foreign man in Korea has not been easy, but not horrendous either. I view gay life in Korea as I do to many other things here, growing and advancing quickly but still decades behind the Western world. 
 
   If you’re gay and lonely in Korea, don’t despair. Through networking, you CAN meet people. Overall, Korean gays can be very friendly,  purposefully aloof, or too terrified to speak to a Westerner. There is also a hierarchical big brother system prevalent here. If an older friend is interested in someone, you need to ask his permission before you make an approach. You are likely to meet Korean men who are actively living a gay life but have every intention of marrying a woman by age 28 to honor their family customs and Korean tradition. The attitude towards gay Westerners here seems to be an even division between being very sought out or completely avoided since foreign countries are associated with AIDS in the eyes of many Koreans. 
   Communication is often a problem. Don’t think that you are being picked up if a Korean man tells you you are handsome (minam!). This is common in Korea, as is the sight of young men holding hands in the street. Also, many Koreans like to befriend Americans to brush up on their English so don’t be misled. 
   The life for lesbians here is somewhat more difficult to assess as they are not so visible in the gay scene here. I have seen Korean women at gay bars but I’m not quite sure what their stories are. 
 
   Pusan’s gay scene consists of 30-some bars, mostly small and featuring a karaoke venue. Don’t expect public displays of affection or a dancer in a cage. There is a very small community of Gay Americans and Canadians who frequent the gay scene on a regular basis. We often joke about wearing armbands to the larger ‘straight’ nightclubs. To find us you may want to cab out to the Pusanjin Market area on a Saturday night and stick your neck into a few bars, or check The Exit classifieds for some contact information. 
   Gay Seoul feels like a trip to New York when you have been here for a while. In Itaewon there are several dance bars and quiet pubs with more of a Western flavor. Asians, Americans and men from around the world frequent these places, as do a small number of lesbians. Public kissing, close dancing  and being able to have a competent English conversation are more the norm in Seoul. Just do a web search on Gay Korea to locate these places. (Sorry Pusanners, there is no known web info on the bars here.) If you have a chance to visit Manila or Thailand or even Hong Kong, you’ll find a much more progressive gay scene.
 
   I guess my biggest problem with being a gay foreigner is over questions of how serious these relationships can get. If you are one of the few and proud into love and longevity in a relationship, it’s quite challenging to find your perfect match. Let’s face it, we are not going to be here forever and it can be rather difficult to bring your same-sex partner back to your home country on a permanent basis. But if you’re willing to try, who knows who you’ll find. 
   Here’s one last piece of advice for those looking for gay love in Korea. If you get to the bars here, be friendly and smile a lot. You usually have to say hello first but don’t be overly forward or you’ll be instantly labeled a “Casanova”. For some reason they love that word around here.