IT ONLY GOES ONE WAY
by David Cormier
The theory is simple: you are hearing one side of a phone conversation.
Hi mom
Oh good you got the pictures
No, I don’t know when I’m coming home
No I shouldn’t get another job
Actually being paid on time is the best
criteria for a job in Korea.
yes, yes he was
and then he was sick all over the street on the way home.
No mom, from the soju
yes we did have the raw fish
No mom
no
no they wouldn’t have cooked it
no I didn’t ask them
I just know, mom
In the other picture
Oh, that’s o’dang
boiled ground up fish bones
I’m dipping it in fermented soy bean juice
I don’t know what the things floating in it were.
The other stuff
No, it’s not very healthy
it’s battered deep fried hotdogs
I didn’t eat any of them
Yes, I ate the raw fish, but that doesn’t mean I ate the hotdogs
No, I’m not lying
Maybe I shouldn’t have shown you the pictures
I’m not getting snotty mother
Let’s just change the subject
Yes the prank phone calls are still coming
no I don’t know what a besayo is
Yes I’m sure
Yes
It’s ‘you besayo’, they call me every day and keep repeating
it over and over again.
No, I’m really… click
f*ck I love phone cards.
Note: The one way phone conversation is a great comedic routine from
the 1960’s. Bob Newhart was a master. The idea for this piece was stolen
and modified from his great monologues.
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