I stepped off the plane in Osaka smelling like an 18-hour flight. Blood seeped from a cut in my chin from trying to shave before landing. All my luggage was lost and, shaking from too many rounds of caffeine, I met up with my fiancée. We managed a brief conversation on our way to the train station where, after a very short wait, I dozed off on the Shinkansen at 220 kph.
 
   We are currently living in Tokuyama, a small city located in Honshu’s southern-most prefecture, Yamaguchi. She teaches with the JET Program and I teach for a private company called NOVA. Welcome to English language education in Japan.
   Roughly 12 years ago, the government decided that there was a problem with the teaching process of their English language requirement. No one, teachers included, conversed in English while in class. The result was that the average student studied English grammar for 4-8 years, yet couldn’t speak word one to a foreigner.
   The JET Program was created in response to this deficiency. The basic idea is to have a native speaker visit the local schools and demonstrate the real usage of the English language. As it stands now, JET teachers play mostly a public relations role. During a one-year contract, a JET teacher may visit as many as 14 different schools and greet a number of classes at each. On average, they spend more time introducing themselves than actually teaching. For foreign teachers who join this respected program to educate, this is understandably frustrating. 
 
   Yet JET remains one of the best deals going for anyone who wishes to spend up to three years working in Japan. They pay round-trip airfare from home, offer sick days, paid vacation, and all Japanese holidays off. They have the best apartment arrangements, private and well subsidized, and pay the best salary by far—around $3,000 USD per month. With low expenses and plenty of holidays, it is quite possible for teachers to save a lot of money and do some serious travelling.
   Other teachers come to Japan in the service of one of the best businesses in Japan: the English conversation school. There are dozens and dozens of turn-and-burn companies like NOVA, SES, YES, AEON, GEO—the list of acronyms goes on and on. While the Japanese government attempts to integrate actual conversation into their English classes via the JET Program, the conversation companies compete with Pachinko to remain the only really profitable industry during Japan’s economic crisis.
   Most foreigners latch onto a large company as a matter of initial convenience. It gets you the visa, decent pay, and usually a place to live while you make real money teaching privately. The going rates for individual tutoring arranged through your company varies from Y1,500-2,300 per 45-minute lesson ($15-20 USD). The private tutor currently makes much more—from Y4-5,000 ($35-48 USD) per 1-hour lesson, usually handed over under the table.
 
   NOVA generally pays the legal minimum salary for foreign teachers in Japan, which is Y250,000 per month ($2,200 USD). Their pay scales, like those at other companies, vary in accordance with the cost of living in your town of placement. But this minimum, as you find out after your first paycheck, is gross, not net, and there are more than a few legal loopholes that the companies like to take advantage of. NOVA, for example, mandates a two-month probationary period. During this time you receive approximately Y55,000 ($500 USD) less than your regular salary. The contract is worded very carefully so that the probation period is for the first two CALENDAR months. Unless you start working on the very first day of the month (which is very rare) you’ll have a longer probation than you expect. They also don’t pay you for the first day of the  training period. Because it’s technically called “orientation” it’s on the employee. 
   The argument for probation is that they want to cut their losses if a new employee doesn’t work out. Some companies will fire you with as little as five days notice although none of the companies are very strict about who they hire. That is, unless you are over 35 years old, overweight, or not very Western looking. Discrimination is difficult to prove but the absence of people in these three categories makes it rather obvious. The schools want to offer their students a variety of Western-looking gaijin who are pleasing to look at and usually require photos with your application to make sure that you are. 
 
   Most conversation schools are more ‘company’ than ‘school’ and as long as you can deal with that, teaching English here is a great opportunity for the teacher and traveler alike.
   I have been here now for a total of five months. My chin has healed quite well and my fiancée and I are almost adjusted to the pollution in this otherwise beautiful country. I have learned a lot and even proved a little theory of mine: the teacher is really just another student. The only difference is that the teacher is the student standing in the front of the classroom. Japan is a good place for those who want to accumulate experience and build up some resume fuel, but it is far better when the surprises are minimal. 
   So, if you want to be a teacher here, be a good student first and do your homework.