As for other humourous examples of Konglish, at least three restaurants in Taejon advertised "bland coffee," instead of "blend coffee."

There was also a place called "23th avenue" and another called, get this, "69 Club."

Finally, I couldn't help but laugh (on several occasions) when my financially challenged boss would say to me, "I am sorry I can't pay you. I am HARD! I am soooo HARD!" He meant to say, of course, it was hard or it was difficult for him to pay me, but I had to laugh!
 

Bryan

KONGLISH(Korean grammar and ideas mixed with English words) JOKES

1) This is a word for word translation of part of the story of Abraham by a level 4 student whose nickname was Gagamel.

"His speech was prediction. Because God was going to be this thing for the sake of not only Abraham but also all people. God was going to offer for the world Jejus who God's gounger sheep bear the blame to the Galbory. They had been walked without power, at least they arrived that God ordered him that place. Abraham made an alter that place and spreaded wood. They needed much times to make it, because they wanted to God's miracle so he slowly made it. But it didn't anything. At least he said Isac that God had been ordered to him. It showed well Isac's good character. He was strong and active young man. He was enough against to his ordering. He enough got away from his fother. But he didn't. When he know his death that was God's meaning, He gave to God his body with happy. Abraham bibded hogtie his son Isac and laid his son on the wood that he piled up the alter. May be he felt too close by sky betwwen ground. Abraham stood beside the alter contimuesly drying with watching his son who was too lovely son. And God watched his faithful servant Abraham that he really do too sacrifice with his discontent with his endless love behind Abraham. Did had been Abraham endured a terrible test? Did had been he choose rather a bitter, fainful than unobey God? Abraham had been thrusted out his arm, catched a knife and killed his son. Isac had been closed his eyes and waited it. It had been flashed with rising son. But it hadn't been touched his body. Suddenly, They had been heard on urgently great voice from the pick. That sounds like that God was anxious. "Abraham, Abraham,.... You don't touch your son to your arm. You don't anything. That sounds had been heard on time. Anything almost was finished. Now Abraham had been cutted a cord that thigt his son, with knife that killed his son. They had been took each other and no speech too happy. It had been too glorious. God had been too happy because their love and faith. That sound had been heard ones more. "You had been gave unsparingly to me your son who your only son so Now I know that you are respect to me. At that time, Abraham has been saw a ram that its horn was caught to forest. That sheep was already that place. But they didn't see too have anxious. Abraham hae been brought it gave to God instead his son."

2) Two students were doing a roleplay about a restaurant in our language institute. One was a waiter and the other a customer. 
The waiter asked the customer,"What would you like for dinner, sir?"
"I'd like to have some steak," the other replied.
"And how would you like it?"
"I'd like it very very much." was the innocent answer.

3) Rachel, a colleague of mine who teaches English in Korea, had just gotten a haircut. One of her beginning students innocently asked,"Teacher, why did you change heads."

4) I taught English in Korea for about 4 years. One day my students and I were talking in Bible class about being vegetarian. I explained why it was a lot more healthy to be vegetarian and we discussed it a lot. During the conversation, one student commented, "Oh yeah, I know about that. My father is a vegetable too!" English is sometimes a confusing language though. For example, what is a vegetarian? It's someone who eats vegetables. So then what is a humanitarian? Fortunately for us, it's not someone who eats humans(a cannibal) but, people who are considerate and concerned about other people.

5) When I was a teacher in Korea there were a couple of Korean name that actually made sense in English and were quite funny. The names were-Ha So Young & Kim Moon Me.

6) Two students in our language institute were doing a roleplay about meeting a foreigner. 
One asked,"How do I get to McDonald's?" 
"I don't know," the other replied,"I'm a strange man here."

7) In our Language Institute, many of our students like to choose English Nicknames to use while they study English. I've had students named Rambo, Flower Pig, Merry Christmas, Pretty Woman, Evolution, Julia Roberts. It's very strange when a quiet and cute girl names herself Evil or Satan. I had two guys in my class one time. The first guy's name was diligently and the other's was study. So together they were "study diligently". Unfortunately their nicknames weren't very accurate. They didn't study very much and when they did it wasn't with very much diligence. But, one of the funniest situations was when a girl introduced herself on the first day. She said," My Korean name is ----. And my nickname is Bladder." I about died of shock. I finally found out that she wanted her nickname to be "braces"(which wasn't much better), but, she made a terrible mistake.

8) A student in our class was doing a role-play about getting a haircut. The teacher was extremely shocked and surprised to hear him say,"I am having an erection." After some explaining and questioning the teacher found out that the student had been trying to say that his hair was electric or standing on end. Since the Korean word in the dictionary for "standing on end" was translated as "erect", he had used erection to speak about his hair and did not realize the real meaning of the word.

9) When our teachers leave we sometimes have students write goodbye messages to them. Since they don't speak English very well, they often come out with humorous and comical combinations of English and Korean-which we call Konglish. One of the messages read, "To Nicolette: You have a beautiful mind. I saw it." Another student said seriously, "I'm sad to separate you." "You was a good teacher." "I feel cold when I see you."

10) English is very popular in Korea and often there are phrases that either don't make any sense at all or that you are sure that the students don't know anything at all about what it really means. One such example was a shirt worn by a girl which had these words printed on the front of it. "I belong to the itty bitty titty club." What made it even funnier was that when you looked at the girl, that sentence was quite believable.

11) My students sometimes have problems in pronunciation. For example in their language it is difficult to end a word with the "t" sound. As a result one of my students ended up saying during a role-play, "I would like a penis butter sandwhich, please." Another of them was introducing himself on the first day of class. He had a problem distinguishing between f & p and s & sh. He said, "My name is _______. I go to school at ______. my hobby is pissing in the ribber." At that point it was difficult to hold the laughter inside, but, he went on. "I like pissing very much. But, unfortunately, I haven't pissed in the ribber for about 1 month. I hope I can piss again very soon." After questioning him, we found out that what he intended to talk about was "fishing in the river".

12) In one of the role plays that my students did, they were very hungry and were looking for something to eat in the kitchen. Finally, they found a peanut butter sandwhich. But, one guy made an innocent but drastic pronunciation mistake. Instead of "peanut butter sandwhich" he said "penis butter sandwhich".

13) There was once an international banquet and 3 of the delegates were talking about their wives and their efforts to have children. The 1st said, "My wife is unbearable." The 2nd said, "I don't think that's what you mean, you mean inconceivable." The 3rd said, "You're both wrong. She's impregnable."

14) My brother Dan was at an amusement park with a friend of his who is pretty good at English but not fluent. They were riding the Viking (one of those ships that swings way up in the air). He put up his hands at the scary parts just like you do on a roller coaster. The girl with him was impressed and wanted to tell him so. She meant to tell him, "Wow, you have guts!" But, it didn't come out quite that way. What she said was, "Wow, you've got nuts!" My brother got red in the face with a little embarrassment and he replied, "Of course I do. I AM a guy."

15) A friend of mine was discussing the popularity of teachers at the institute where I teach. She said, Bryan, I've heard that you are getting pretty popular these days with the students and some of the girls." Then she began to talk about another teacher and she said, "I think that these days his population is decreasing a little"

16) A friend of mine is married to a Korean woman. Some people came to visit their house one day. As they were talking, the wife noticed that the pants the man was wearing looked very good. She wanted to know what style and brand name they were. Since the visitors weren't Korean she had to use English which she is pretty good at but still it isn't her native language. So, when she asked the question about the label and brand name she made quite a big mistake. She said, "Take off your pants. I want to see your size."

17) A South African teacher (Tanya) of English was dating a guy whose parents were Afrikaaners of the very conservative (voortrekker) type. This is comparable to Quakers in America. For one vacation she went to his home and met his family and parents. Since they only spoke Afrikaans, they couldn't talk much. She had been learning some Afrikaans but, was not really very fluent in it. They were all eating dinner one day together and as the members of the family finished, they would excuse themselves from the table. The Grandfather said, "Please excuse me, I'm going to go read a book." The grandmother said, "Please excuse me, I'm going to go take a nap." Well Tanya had been learning some Afrikaans and decided to try and use some of it. She meant to say, "Excuse me, I'm going to go and have a shower." But, shower sounds very similar to another word in Afrikaans and she pronounced the other word. So, what she actually said was, "Excuse me, I'm going to go have sex." You can only imagine the wide open mouths and shocked expressions around the table. Her boyfriend at the other end of the table wanted to disappear under the carpet.

18) Koreans are often extremely blunt about physical characteristics almost to the point of rudeness (in westerner's opinion but, even though they be very blunt about personal appearance, they still love you). One student was doing a show and tell one day and was talking about a stuffed animal that he had been given. He said, "I was given this bear by my boyfriend's wife who is big eyes and has small breasts."

19) A student was talking to me about how she had visited a bhuddist temple during the weekend and she was a little surprised because as she said, "All the monkeys there were nuns."

20) I had been teaching English in Korea for a couple years. After teaching for so long and hearing so much incorrect English, you sometimes begin to speak in the same way. The lady who cooked for us told us that she couldn't make lunch that day and so we could go to a restaurant and get something for ourselves to eat. I was supposed to pass the message on to the other teachers. When I spoke to them about it I said, "Mrs. Lee can't make lunch for us today, so, we'll have to eat ourselves.

21) There's quite a lot of Konglish in Korea. A couple times I even have tried to make Konglish with my friends and other teachers. I knew that when you answer the phone in Korea you say "Yoboseyo" and in English you say "Hello". So, I thought I'd make a joke and combine them. So, I started saying, "Yobo-hello" on the phone. I didn't realize that "Yobo" meant darling. So, I was kind of embarrassed to find out that I had been saying to everyone, "Oh darling, hello!" But, then sometimes I would say it anyway just for a laugh.

22) A Korean girl was in America and a guy asked her for a date. She wanted to do it secretly just like Korean culture. So, for the date they went to a place that was quite a ways away. When she came back already the rumor had spread and when she came back the other girls asked her, "How far did you go?" Innocently, she answered, "A long way." "You mean you went all the way." "Yes, of course I went all the way." A while later, after spending a lot of time in America, she realized what she had done. And even now, several years later, she blushes when she thinks of the way she answered.
 
 

FOREIGNERS MISTAKES IN KOREAN (ENGREON??)

1) I was learning a little bit of Korean as an English teacher in Korea and had learned the word Sun-saeng-nim which means teacher. The next day I introduced myself to my students, but I mispronounced the word. I introduced myself as a Saeng-sun-nim. Sun-saeng is teacher but, Saeng-sun is fish. So, what I had said was, "I'm glad you are all here. I will be your fish for the next term."

2) A teacher at my English language institute in Pusan, Korea was proud of the little knowledge of Korean that she had acquired. The Korean Thanksgiving vacation (Chusok) had just passed and one of her students was eating some "sohng-pyun" which means rice cake. She thought she would impress her students with her Korean and so she said,"John(the student), I'm sure you had 'sohng-pyun' for Chusok. It looks very good. I don't have any but, I would like to get some too. Can you give me some 'sohng-pyun'." Unfortunately, though, she made a very small but significant and conspicuous mistake in pronunciation. She said "sung-byung" instead of "sohng-pyun". "Sohng-pyun" is rice cake in Korean but "sung-byung" has an very different meaning. It means VD(venereal disease). So, she had actually been saying, "John, I see you hav VD. It looks very good. I don't have any, but, I would like to get some too. Can you give me some VD?"

3) I am trying to learn to speak Korean and I was writing in Korean to a friend of mine. I meant to say, "This year was wonderful (ee nyun jo-ah-hay-oh)." But, what I really said was, "This bitch was wonderful". When I first started learning Korean, I introduced myself to my students on the first day of class. I meant to say, "I will be your teacher(sun-saeng-nim) this term." But what I really said was, "I will be your fish (saeng-sun-nim) this term."
 

I'd like to making a love in my life. Because of, Life and love are
made for future but these not Racing. The Racing makes only competive. So,
I think that the making is creative action.
I have some principle that the making a love need to everyone. Because,
The making need to someone's help. If we could helping each other, Happy life
would opening to us.
I have a girl-friend who is nurse and twenty-five years old. Therefor,
we have a promise to marriage on next year. I'd like to making a love with
her not Racing.
As a resurt, Making a love overcomes the problems of our life.

Often our students amaze us with such wonderful comments like "I'm going to
make a girlfriend this summer". All you need to do is add flour, stir and
bake at 400 degrees for an hour. One student told my son, as he was leaving
for the US..."sorry to separate you". Not sure whether she was planning to
use a meat clever or do a John Bobbit number or just what, but she was sorry
to see my son go. Then there was the girl who proudly nicknamed herself
"Bladder" because she had mistaken it for her "braces" which she had just
received and were her outstanding new feature. And how about the student
who announced that he had an "erection". Later, it was discovered that he
meant his hair was standing on end because of a recent trip to the barber.
Then there were those famous students who told the teacher that their
hobbies were "pissing (confusing the p with the f and the s with the sh) in
the river and shitting under the shade of a tree". Great activities for
public enjoyment, right?

One time I asked my students to write about what they were planning to do on
the weekend. One student wrote, "I'm planning to read a library" and I was
wondering where she took her course in speed reading. Another student said
he was "planning to eat a restaurant" probably one of those "fast food"
ones. Anyway....

(1) I saw a sign for a Western restaurant that read: "Coffee, food, and bear."

(2) During the first day of the new semester, I have my adult students introduce themselves. One student said, "My name is Yoo-suk."

 'No In' Sign - Seen during our Visit to Pomosa. Certainly more concise that 'No Entrance' or 'Do Not Enter'.

One fellow responded by writing 'He is wearing dank bule shits'. While I try to be flexible regarding opinion, the man in the picture appeared clean enough (and nicely dressed in his dark blue shirt)...

Source: Several bottles of Bo Bay soju